The King of Iron Losers
by Robothuck
Summary: Paul gets sick of the winner always being the same. He decides to round up some of the greatest fighters in the world to stick it to the Mishima family and that Jin Kazama guy. Comedy/Satire. Expect around 10 or more chapters.


**Foreword**

So before I start writing this I just want to say a couple of things. Number one, I do not own anything in this story, even the original parts. I'm pretty sure no-one would sue me anyway, but it seems to be the done thing. Secondly, I want to thank 3therflux (Go visit her) for inspiring me to write again.

**Prologue: The Locker Room**

_'Why,' _Paul thought to himself. _'Why does this always happen?'_. The fighter looked around the room. Even that damn bear somehow achieved the same expression as the humans in the room. Disappointment, shame, suffering but certainly no surprise. Many familiar faces dotted the room around him, a room that smelled mostly of sweat and muscle. Yoshimitsu was sticking in corner, preparing for Seppuku. That Bruce Lee wannabe was dancing around, chopping vegetables in the air with open-hand swipes. Steve Fox was attempting to cut off his legs, apparently having realised he was a better fighter without them. Almost the entire male line-up of the King of Iron Fist Tournament was in there doing something, anything to take the loss off their mind. _'This isn't right.' _he mused, his bushy eyebrows knitting together. _'I'm better than this, I'm supposed to be the best in the freaking world! If things continue the way they are, I'll have to start looking for a job at Law's noodle place or G-Corp or something.' _

Looking around himself once more, the man known as Paul Phoenix, the best in the world, came to a resolution. No longer would the Mishima family dominate the fighting world. No longer would great fighters such as himself and King be forced to make a living from consolation prizes or working for one of the mega-corps. _'That's it. It's time for the fighting men of this world to stick it to the big guys!' _he thought, nodding furiously to himself.

'Damn you, Kazuya, Damn you Heihachi and most of all, Damn you to hell Kazama! If it weren't for you three, Forest's hospital bills could have been paid and I COULD BE SITTING ON A PILE OF GOLD SLEEPING WITH THE WILLIAMS AND EATING THAT DAMN BEAR!'

The bear in question would have been offended had it not decided to hibernate until the next King of Iron Fist, seeing as how nothing interesting happens between them anyway. Some of the other fighter in the room however, were very much awake and cried in approval. This was a very bizarre sound, between Jack's robotic screeching, Roger Jr's baying and King's impressive roaring.

After Paul's little outburst, the warriors returned to their idling, then left one by one. A couple of fights broke out at the door, such as when Bryan stepped on Yoshimitsu's delicate feet, or when Ganryu blocked the doorway and had to be forcefully ejected by Feng's God Palm.

During this, a plan had been forming in Paul's mind. He wasn't good at it, and the thought was delayed a few minutes when it had to stop for a toilet break, but nevertheless it punched it's way through the cells of the man's brain. When the gears had stopped screeching and come to a halt, the scheme was ready for serving on a plate of sheer genius. One by one, he would round up the greatest heroes and most nefarious villains in the land, and unite them against the oppressive regime of the Mishima family, and that 'Jin' kiddie who looks suspiciously like Kazuya. It would take strength, cunning and charm to convince people to work together, but after going through all the effort of thinking Paul wasn't going to let it go to waste. When the last of the steam had vented from his ears he set off for home, knowing good times were ahead...

**Afterword**

So I decided to write a little afterword because I felt like it. Again, I want to thank 3therflux for inspiring me to get off my ass and do something, and you should visit her deviantArt and accounts. Also I want to make it clear that I will be devoting one chapter to every recruitment session that occurs in the story. This means I may do a chapter for just one character, or maybe a few at the same time if it serves a story purpose. I'm thinking Roger, Roger Jr and Alex, King and Marduk, etc.

Vote for the people you want recruited first am I might choose one of the suggestions, but bear in mind that as author I hold the deciding vote in all scenarios.

Most importantly, Thanks for reading! I hope it was as good for you as it was for me, and expect more from me in the near future! Feedback, good or bad is always helpful to a writer, so don't hesitate to speak your mind!


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